gold and reptile


steps twice


namrekeya:

What they don’t tell you about prolonged periods of introspection and careful observation is the harm that can come from being totally alone in that process, with no one to remind you that feeling, learning, watching, and healing are communal. When lonesome thought is fetishized, you feel obligated to suffer in silence, to see all struggles as individual rather than collective. You tell yourself that maybe you’re just growing apart from things you thought you knew, that you’re not doing healing right, and this must mean you’re just inadequate. And at some point, you obsess over this cultivated lifestyle of being quiet, small, and invisible as a means of personal protection that you feel forgotten about and in the end, you have no one but yourself to blame.

Sometimes I wish I could speak and write like I used to. But the more I see and interpret, the less I speak because I become increasingly aware of my own mental boundaries as well as the structural limitations I didn’t want to know existed. And the less I speak, the more I simply think myself into non-existence – or at least, what feels the closest to thinking but not really living.

What does it mean to be seen without desiring all of the accompanying narcissism that attaches itself to forms of recognition? I’ve been thinking and re-thinking the politics of recognition for almost exactly half of a year. Recognition is something so paradoxical to me, and thinking about it is bound to drive you to a point in your mental health where any mention of soap-bathing, bubble-blowing “self-care” rituals make you want to disappear a little more with each passing day. I wonder what it does to a person to ponder alienation in alienation for this long, in addition to all of the recognition rituals that compensate for it. My heart hurts just trying to wrap my mind around that.

I grabbed coffee with a friend I admire so much yesterday, and I asked her if she was feeling this way, too. She said something I knew to be true, but so desperately needed to hear and be reassured by: “Everyone is feeling this way. This feeling is political, not just personal. It permeates daily life and it’s only getting worse and worse.” And I can feel it all the way from Egypt to the United States, the two places I keep escaping for each other only to find myself retreating again for the other. The current global crisis in capital that is building up is wreaking havoc on so many of us in the most insidious ways imaginable. But even attempting to communicate this is difficult and frightening because alienation is so often strategically pathologized, misdiagnosed as “depression”, and written off as individual suffering. And so, we all suffer in silence.

xshayarsha:

“In ordinary life we are immortal, we think about death, but it doesn’t gnaw at us, it is down there, for later, it is weak, forgettable. But as soon as I love, death is there, it camps out right in the middle of my body, in daylight, getting mixed up with my food, dispatching from the far-off future its prophetic presence, taking the bread out of my mouth.”

Hélène Cixous, from Stigmata; Love of the Wolf.

oaluz:

“When I am feeling dreary, annoyed, and generally unimpressed by life, I imagine what it would be like to come back to this world for just a day after having been dead. I imagine how sentimental I would feel about the very things I once found stupid, hateful, or mundane. Oh, there’s a light switch! I haven’t seen a light switch in how long! I didn’t realize how much I missed light switches! Oh! Oh! And look– the stairs up to our front porch are still completely cracked! Hello cracks! Let me get a good look at you. And there’s my neighbor, standing there, fantastically alive, just the same, still punctuating her sentences with you know what I’m saying? Why did that bother me? It’s so…endearing.”

— RETURNING TO LIFE AFTER BEING DEAD Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal (via podencos)

heavyweightheart:

one reason why learning body respect is so powerful–and so discouraged by the mechanism of social control that is diet culture–is that when we learn to honor our bodies’ rights, needs, and wisdom, we become much more aware and less tolerant of violations in other areas of life. 

when we are attuned to your body’s need for rest, we are much more aware of the violence of even the 40 hour work week (ofc work is far more violent in many parts of the world)

when we carve out our own permission to accept our body’s natural weight set point, demands that we shrink our personality, our voice, or our emotions in order not to cause social offense feel like much less acceptable constrictions

when we learn to value our natural hair and skin, and give up harmful rituals like chemical straightening or lightening (or the beliefs that underlie them), other ways in which we are required to harm ourselves–from a coerced gender presentation to living with the consequences of environmental racism–come into clearer focus as specifically targeted violence 

when we have compassion for our bodies and their vulnerability, we are more sensitive to mistreatment in personal relationships

the systems which make us sick and self-hating are political projects, enacted in ways which can be analyzed, understood, and changed. this movement is inward and outward, with the former supporting the latter (and vice versa). when our healing is rooted in wisdom and compassion and self respect, we inevitably turn those values outward, take them up against the structures which would strip them from us.

thescouring:

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma.

Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. “

- Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

marcelluscruz:

infinito // soaked film (35mm) // by marcellus cruz

grupaok:
“Robert Smithson, aerial view of Spiral Jetty mark 1, before deciding to continue the spiral with further construction, circa 1970.
”

grupaok:

Robert Smithson, aerial view of Spiral Jetty mark 1, before deciding to continue the spiral with further construction, circa 1970.

padehler:

I went to the beach with my 1957 Kodak Pony IV and all my photos came back super hazy and old-looking.

It is okay if you want to pretend I took these is 1957

luzonbleedingheart:

your bare minimum isn’t actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that there’s nothing in this world that’s easy and that’s true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like you’re not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and what’s currently available to you: chances are, there’s something that’s diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think that’s really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you can’t be proud of your growth if you don’t notice where you already are!

heatherramaekers:

Seiichi Hayashi

aconnormanning:

lingrix:

“If a person can’t get out of bed, something is making them exhausted. If a student isn’t writing papers, there’s some aspect of the assignment that they can’t do without help. If an employee misses deadlines constantly, something is making organization and deadline-meeting difficult. Even if a person is actively choosing to self-sabotage, there’s a reason for it — some fear they’re working through, some need not being met, a lack of self-esteem being expressed. People do not choose to fail or disappoint. No one wants to feel incapable, apathetic, or ineffective. If you look at a person’s action (or inaction) and see only laziness, you are missing key details. There is always an explanation. There are always barriers. Just because you can’t see them, or don’t view them as legitimate, doesn’t mean they’re not there. Look harder. Maybe you weren’t always able to look at human behavior this way. That’s okay. Now you are. Give it a try.”

“Laziness Does Not Exist” by E Price on Medium

(And a footnote I didn’t see explicitly covered in the article: laziness still doesn’t exist when it is you yourself making no progress and not knowing why. You deserve that respect and consideration, too, even from yourself.)

Something I sincerely wish everyone in any management capacity would understand better

frequentlypolitical:
“ Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Lindsay C. Gibson
”

frequentlypolitical:

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Lindsay C. Gibson

formschon:

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this dark hair…the sorcery